SUAREZ: ess you eh are easy

bandom-tfln:

(206): I think I have vodka in my lungs.

(206): I think I have vodka in my lungs.

bandom-tfln:

(954): Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.

(954): Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.

bandom-tfln:

(318): I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
(Submitted by markmelove, thank you!)

(318): I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.

(Submitted by markmelove, thank you!)

bandom-tfln:

(906): He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me…

(Submitted by nottheordinarytype-, thank you!)

bandom-tfln:

(201): When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking

(Submitted by markmelove, thank you!)

bandom-tfln:

(570): since i’m not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.

(Submitted by markmelove, thank you!)

bandom-tfln:

(330): Any day you don’t mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.

(Submitted by markmelove, thank you!)

bandom-tfln:

(604): every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water

(Submitted by markmelove, thank you!)

bandom-tfln:

(301): Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I’ve never partied that hard.

(Submitted by markmelove, thank you!)

bandom-tfln:

(704): Yes there’s a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be

(Submitted by christpine, thank you!)

bandom-tfln:

(215): And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.

(Submitted by withlovefrommetoyou, thank you!)

bandom-tfln:

(617): On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let’s aim for a 7

(Submitted by futilejubilee, thank you!)

bandom-tfln:

(352): This better be legit dessert and not your penis alamode

(Submitted by PellaFan, thank you!)

bandom-tfln:

(530): he’s the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.

(Submitted by PellaFan, thank you!)

bandom-tfln:

(250): I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.

(Submitted by hesmagicandmyth, thank you!)